My Story so far....

January 2024 - I had a hard hitting conversation with a coach…

She told me some hard truths -  my life was stagnant, stale, I was grasping at straws, stuck in cycles, she pointed out I wasn't even living - I was existing - and yeah it felt as blunt as it’s written but I knew it was said in love. She told me that my soul was screaming for so much more… and I knew every word she was saying was true…it was showing in my mind, my emotions and my physical body…

She told me I needed something drastic and radical - something that scared the shit out of me .. she said I need a 'fuck - am I really fucking doing this'...

She told me I knew what it was and that I needed to do (I did) and that I needed to do it - as quickly as possible - before I wasted another 5 years talking myself out of it...

and so I did…

I sold everything bar my house and dog and booked a plane ticket - ( I was fortunate enough that a beautiful soul sister volunteered to care for my dog whilst I left for some massive soul searching - you know who you are, thankyou eternally - I love you)

I intentionally turned my own world upside down and inside out - and honestly - I was absolutely terrified - ...not that I would ever have fully admitted that… and full disclosure -  I cried almost every day on the run up to leaving …I was adamant I was sharing the raw truth - not a face sunshine and rainbows social media story - 

And was the journey over the last 8 months a instagram perfect daydream - WAS IT F*** - and again - full transparency , I realise now that I spent a great deal of it in a functional freeze state ( and I’m going to be sharing so much more about the reality of this) - but one thing I will say is - I don’t regret it - not for one second - it has been both my breaking and my making - 

It was a whole new  f***** awakening during which I realised was that I had created one big bubble of illusion back home - in which I was completely comfortable and so - solo backpacking ripped away that illusion of safety and brought up every shadow and trigger I hadn't had to face, not to mention a good dose of people being put in my path to bring me the lessons and learning, sometimes through love and sometimes through a big slap in the face (mainly when I wasn’t listening or wanting to see the truth and take responsibility)....

And, as it does when we are trying to break through our upper limits - my ego went absolutely frikking bonkers and has done everything possible to try and put me back in my small miserable box - fear, fuckery, heartbreak, illness, lack of resource… but also as it does -- the universe/god/source - brought me the people I needed to break through and the support from existing friends and family to keep me somewhat sane… 

I came back to the UK in October and honestly, it’s been a period of darkness, nursing a still unknown health condition, a frazzled nervous system, resource challenges, not knowing where/when/how… complete disarray quite frankly..

AND ALSO…as I sit and write this today, as the clarity flows, as I have been able to step back and gain a new perspective - see exactly what has happened, how and why…

I see the growth, I see the GOOD, I feel the GOOD…

There are still some challenges to overcome, but as always - I have absolute belief and KNOW that I will. 

I KNOW I am guided. 

I know that even in the seemingly darker days that there are powerful forces acting for us. 

This year has been breaking down, a smashing to bits…but it all happened so that I can rebuild a new version of myself…a more empowered version, a more congruent and courageous version…

And she is going to be more unstoppable than ever before…embracing her sensitivity - acknowledging her vulnerabilities and turning them into a super power to help others and planet.

The lesson - do the thing that terrifies you, it’s not going to be easy - but I promise it will be worth it….