Well...
I could not have imagined the experiences I was going to be flowed through when making the decision to go on this journey.
One thing is for sure, I am getting far more than I ever could have imagined and the richness, learning and deepening it is bringing is OUT OF THIS WORLD!!
YESTERDAY, I went deeply within, held by my friend and wonderful practitioner Sue MORGAN, exploring some feelings that had surfaced for me in recent weeks. Feelings of fear of abandonment and rejection.
Since my insight during my last travel chapter I have been pulled so strongly back to my own body and it's wisdom. Energetics certainly have a beautiful, incredible place but we must remember that WE ARE PHYSICAL in this LIFE and we FEEL. And sometimes what we feel we do not want to feel. In fact, it makes us want to run in whatever way we can.
It was quite tough to dive into this yesterday, there were feelings held within the fibres of my being that my ego wanted to protect. 'Go away' they growled.
But, as my friend Kerry always points out, the Scorpio in me said 'I am coming in whether you like it or not, with love, of course'. I have quite significant tenacity where self development work is involved. This has been developed over time of course.
It's not like it's easy for me despite having been doing this for almost 10 years now. That vulnerable part was still saying 'no please, go away, leave me & simultaneously saying please come and find me and help me'.
You see, it takes courage to 'go there' and admittedly the previous night I didn't go there - in fact I went straight to the bottle of red wine and did the whole numbing thing.
Not a problem right...
Well, if we are drinking wine from a place of love, absolutely no issue I feel. However I was not, I had to be honest with myself - I was drinking it from a place of lack of love because things were surfacing that I did not want to acknowledge. Also, being totally honest, the surfacing of this deeply held stuff made me want to to reach for the fags so badly for the first time in 12 months!
BUT...Whereas before this would have spiralled into more drinking and smoking, and other forms of substance misuse now it does not.
The next day I got up with The INTENTION I would turn toward it.. I started with some somatic movements to make contact with the feeling and to reduce the disregulation and then I entered into it.
If you want a better life, when life is giving you the difficult experiences you must choose. ..do you project and blame and make any others involved bad, do you turn away and shut down, do you distract and avoid...
Absolutely no judgement if you do - I have done this many times.
Or when you're ready the alternative is that you say 'OK, let's do this'.
You heard the phrase ' we keeping getting the same situation until we learn the lesson' right...
The only way out is through...
And to TRULY feel the freedom it is.
And this is so F R E E I N G.
I am also elated to be receiving some beautiful insight on this weave of Somatic work and Energetics...
I feel something so exciting is coming from this...so watch this space.
I hope this helps and resonates...let me know.
If you have something to move through reach out, I have a couple of client spaces.
You see, including me, we do need that regulated other sometimes, our answers are within us it's just that hand holding mentor to help us find the keys and unlock the door, to help us to stay with the disrgeukation long enough to see and feel what's beneath it. That's litrle voice that is usually saying a version of 'hey, I'm really scared'.
This handsome boy came and gave me a cuddle last night, he could feel me 💙 he wanted to help me regulate ...
Today I am brighter and clearer
and both my mind and body are freer....
This is why I do the work...
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